MellowDrama

हाँ मैं गलत, गलत मेरी बातें , गलती से ही दुनिया बनी  पूरा सही कोई नहीं, ले ले मेरी चेतावनी  (Yes, I make mistakes I am often on the wrong track, this world is made because of many mistakes No one is completely correct, Take my warning) This song has two interpretations in my parenting story.  One is which, I as a parent would want to tell my children that no one really knows what to do in this life. None of us really are aware of how to navigate this life. We all make mistakes and that it is okay to do that- make mistakes. This world came to be so because of these mistakes- mine, yours and ours. Then there is the line of thinking that my (or rather all the kids everywhere in the world) children would presume. The one that every child knows well in her heart till the time she becomes a parent- that their parents are wrong, mistaken and (maybe) foolish.  But I think we all agree that making mistakes is important and natural. Life is full o...

गज़ब का है दिन देखो ज़रा   ये दीवानापन सोचो ज़रा  हम भी अकेले, तुम भी अकेले  मज़ा आ रहा है , कसम से  (Look, what a fabulous day it is WE are alone We are enjoying, By God!) It was a nice balmy afternoon during the lockdown days. He looked at her with anticipation. She smiled. A kiss lingered in the air. But the next moment anguished cries rose from another corner of the house. Soon it seemed that a battle had been launched and the two of them were summoned back to the reality of being parents.  Have you ever lived out this horror story? Today's song choice made itself clearer to me just last night. It wasn't as if I haven't known this truth for the past few years since the boy made an entry but nothing could have made it as crystal clear as what happened last night. And to think of it now, what happened really wasn't all that different or revolutionary from everyday that I should have suffered this revelation jus...

Don't you think our Bollywood lyricist have been secretly dispensing top notch life secrets subtly (and at times not so subtly) via these songs? Consider today's choice: दुनिया फिरंगी स्यापा है, फ़िक्र ही गम दा पापा है  अपना तो बस यही जापा है, फ़िक्र करें फुकरे  (The world is a foreign nightmare, worry fathers sadness This is our only motto, only pretentious people worry) Or consider this gem जेबों में रख ले यारा, कंघी हैं तरकीबें Anyway, much about the greatness of Bollywood, you must have noticed that I have taken a creative license today and not started today's song with the exact alphabet but this phrase ' Fikr hi gham da papa hai' has since I heard it, stuck a chord with me. How true it is that we worry and we invite sadness! Long back I wrote a poem about the little things I worry about. And I, at least have begun to worry too much about my daughter who exhibits certain worrisome qualities. This is really an offshoot of what I wrote yesterday b...

Every breath you take and every move you make Every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you Every single day and every word you say Every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you Though the song totally sounds creepy, doesn't this really sum up our lives as mothers. Also because of the similarity in the E and I sound I chose to go with this song  instead of any other Hindi song. So back to the topic. Mothers are by default negative creatures, I feel. I look at my daughter and think of ways in which she will mess up her life because she doesn't fold her clothes exactly the way they had been folded when they were sold  to us. I see my son jumping and prancing on the sofa and nod my head in utter distress thinking about his future in which I see him as a street dancer. It takes special effort for me to dispel such negative thoughts and remind myself that they are just children doing children-y things. That she will learn to p...

DJ वाले बाबू मेरा गाना चला दो  DJ वाले बाबू मेरा गाना चला  दो  DJ वाले बाबू मेरा गाना चला  दो  गाना चला दो, गाना चला दो  The boy aka Cutlet Kumar had put in an appearance in to our lives by September 2014. By the time this song came out in 2015, he had begun to sit by himself and wriggle his hips. He has forever had a ear for music but when this song came up on TV he would just go mad. In whatever way he could communicate, he would ask for the song be played and then move enthusiastically to it.  This boy I tell you, is different. You know how they say that we are all made up of stardust. I do truly believe that he is from a far superior grade of material. Do you think I might be biased? Might be. Just a little bit. Abir is extremely alive. More alive than I have ever seen people or even kids to be. I don't really know how to explain it but I can see it when he is paying attention, when he is listening closely. ...

Just now the relevance of doing a theme reveal, revealed itself to me. But such is life and so am I. Everything in retrospect. So without much ado and coming back to the present here is something of revelation about my chosen theme. I am a big Bollywood fan. Music has played a big role in my life, at times as an accompaniment to joyous moments and at others as the background score to disastrous decisions and bad moods. I can always hear it playing. If you ask my friends I have always had a song for the moment we are in. And so using that super ability, I am going to attempt 26 posts.  Lekin, picture abhi baki hai dost! Music is set but what about the script? The screenplay, if I may, is the parenting years with their ups and downs, the tears, sweat and blood I shed and hugs, kisses and laughter that I gained. ------------------------- A. आगे भी जाने न तू, पीछे भी जाने न तू  जो भी है बस यही एक पल है  I have been a mother for 12 years now. With my two children...

I have always known that the respect in any relationship matters utmost. There are other things like being seen and heard that are mandatory for a relationship to thrive but here are some ways I have realised to see it in simpler tangible things. Whatever the nature of relationship might be- romantic or platonic.  1. It should make you feel good about yourself. Very important. Non negotiable. Absolutely. 2. Also I don't think there is an accusatory tone in a healthy relationship 3. I think it should give you aspiration, some inspiration and not hold you back from wanting and expressing what you think you are Some seriously good stuff from The Angry Therapist 1. Healthy feels like safety  2. You having the ability to express yourself and nothing is taken away. There are no consequences. 3. Held not grabbed 4. Supportive, encouraging and CHAMPIONING your story 5. Helps connect you to yourself 6. It should not hold you back from wanting something because you should be able to wan...

 To be loved means to be seen as existing.  My friend Ruchi had shared a clip from Thich Nhat Hanh's interview being conducted by Oprah Winfrey in which I heard these words for the first time. It was a couple of years ago.  As soon as I heard him say this my whole world sort of lit up.  I have always struggled with the idea of love. I have never found a satisfactory answer from people who claim or who I have known to be in love. I have had this conversation with Ruchi also and I don't know if this in any way contributed to her sending me this particular message but despite our discussions on purpose, authenticity, love, karma- I have my doubts. Well, anyway. So back to love. I think I was set on this search for meaning of love, quite unwittingly by my younger sister. We were small kids in a village in Himachal Pradesh living the life that could only be imagined via Blyton's books. One day after being scolded by either of the parents she went on to stand on the extend...

We have put International Women's Day behind us just yesterday but I am sure some people are just waking up to it. Literally and metaphorically, both! So in continuation to the point that I was trying to get across yesterday I am here to speak about the bitter half. No, you read that correct. The bitter half has been complaining why no Men's Day (BTW it falls on Nov 19th, if I am not mistaken), give us an entire day to celebrate. Ask them what and I don't think they have a concrete answer yet. It is better to leave certain things just as they are and move on like Sahir Ludhianvi wrote: Wo afsana jise anjaam tak laana na ho mumkin, usse ek khoobsurat mod de ke chodna achha. Coming back to the main idea of today's post. I have a son and a daughter, so it has fallen on my broad shoulders to bring to your kind attention a very important thing.  Let me first make a thing clear, I am not here attempting to bring this point out for conversation and debate because either I am b...

In my school group today morning, someone posted  Strong women do not have an attitude. They have standards and boundaries. I wrote fab to that in my comment. And then it happened. I analysed the statement quite unintentionally because I am not the one to keep up with gender tropes.  Well, well, well ain't that food for thought! Come let us dig deep(err).  I think this must have come from a man and there is an obvious problem with the first part of the statement but we will get to it later. Hear me out  first, So, strong woman- who is this creature? A mythical being or a character from folk lore? Does she exist beyond the realms of imagination of feminists- both male and female? Let's turn the question around.  Who isn't a strong woman, rather? You are my friend. Yes you too, gentlemen! Remember the concept of Ardhanaareshwar? The coexistence of the feminine and the masculine. The naari form before the eshwar.  Every man and woman, every human being on the ...

We are in the third phase of the Corona virus induced lockdown. While in the first phase we all probably did not know where we were headed and were probably treating the lockdown as a respite from life in general, this time around we are almost pro at what we can and how we can do in these demanding (or maybe far simpler) times. Today was the birthday of a dear friend's daughter.  Since we have known them almost every year this day has been a huge celebration because my friend takes the kids out and treats them to whatever their hearts desire, no bars. When I called her up during the day to congratulate her and wish the child, I was sent the address of the party venue. The only difference was that this time around the kids were to meet virtually and not physically. They were all to Zoom in from their houses. Hats off to my dexterous friend for arranging an hour filled with games, jokes, banter and fun between this bunch of girls.  How liberating it must have bee...

नानी तेरी मोरनी  को मोर ले गए बाकी जो बचा था काले चोर ले गए (O grandmother your peahen has been carried away by the peacocks and whatever was left has been taken by the thieves) You must have heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. If you are bringing up a child/ren you will know exactly what this means but if you don't have children of your own yet take my word for it. Raising a child can't be done single handedly by anyone. You need emotional and physical support, you need advice, you need a sounding board and most importantly sometime you just need someone else to take charge. Grandparents play a huge role in our Indian homes in helping raise a child. Whether it is teaching them values and morals via stories, or enforce good habits, they have extremely important roles to play. My children have been very lucky to have a set of doting grandparents on both the sides. On   the paternal side my mother-in-law is always ready with her bag of exciting st...

छोटी सी प्यारी सी नन्ही सी आयी कोई परी भोली सी न्यारी सी अच्छी सी आयी कोई परी If this isn't hint enough, I am going to talk about my daughter in this post. This child gave me the exalted status of Mummy. I will probably be more famous as Netra ki Mummy than anything else at the time. Netra, my 12 year old daughter, was born after a difficult pregnancy and that has been the easiest part so far. She is a sweet, gentle and generous child at, and I have complete strangers stopping me in mid-way or calling me up, to tell me how she has offered help seeing them in a tough spot. Sometimes she has held doors for the, sometimes helped carry their bags, soothe their child and at others just greet them, every time she sees them in the complex, in the lift or on the road. This very child can be very stubborn, adamant and exasperating preteen several times a day. As all of us, she is full of contradictions and I had a very difficult time learning how to be okay with that. It is stil...

Suicides by two hugely popular public figures- Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain- within three days of each other. One a fashion designer and business woman par excellence and another a famous cook, TV personality. There have been many others before them. Though I knew just a thing or two about them the news about Robin William's suicide was heartbreaking for me. I remember thinking how could someone who laughed so much and made people laugh, do that. While there is so much being written in the social media about mental health in light of these two suicides I was stuck by a particular post in part on Ariana Huffington's Instagram feed. It is a Repost of a tweet by editor Elaine Welteroth and says: ..... And in your death we are reminded once again that there is simply no correlation between happiness and success. How true is that! We have no idea about what makes us happy. It is easy to confuse happiness with material things, isn't it? Getting a Kate Spade bag any da...

This is what I asked Google. What could I have been thinking before putting such words out in the world? Yahi na, that some gyaan ganga will open up for me. I will be directed to some great suggestions by people who are now past this feeling and have a rocking life writing and making money out of blogs that are read by people like me whose life is going nowhere. Or maybe some Youtube videos by new age babajis who have an answer to anything, from objective to subjective. My life has been stuck or I have been stuck at this question since Saturday night. Why, asks George Clooney's voice in my head from a movie I can't recall. Shouldn't this be my own voice, I try to reason and then realise I don't care because as I write here, I am dreaming of some great person happening to my lame blog and realising my great potential and taking me under their wing. Now Clooney is replaced by Sridevi but the question remains. I can't focus on the question because it is the Sri vo...

I am always in awe of any kind of music that I hear. To me music remains the magic paintbrush with which the child painted what he wished for. I have grown up listening to film music and very old English numbers which when I go to hunt online I don't find. I can't lay any sort of claim to classical music or instrumental music of great repute but I like to think that I do have discerning ear. But the post isn't about my musical ability or inclination. It is about what I felt today as I listened to some song being played on the TV as I was busy pushing some khichdi down my son's throat. I don't now remember whether it was a nice song or something terrible but I do remember feeling goosebumps. I realized that the seven notes were all that it took to create an array of emotions. Joy, love, horror, terror, fun, funny, childish, serious, beautiful, awful, fast paced, slow and delicious, and much much more. I also realised that the world over people have used these se...

Whenever people, especially us north Indians and those not from the IT industry, think of moving up in the work ladder and look at cities we might have to relocate you can be sure that it would either be Delhi or Mumbai. I could have even forgotten that there was a city named Kolkata. And while we were leading a comfortable life in the country's most planned city, the city of gardens aka Chandigarh, Calcutta made way in to our lives and today after four years I wonder if it would be wrong to say that all hell broke lose. So it happened and within fifteen days we went from living in the most planned city to probably the most chaotic city. Relocation is a real bummer. You are more alone than you could have bargained for, for many reasons. Initially when the stuff is in transit and there is no house to clean, co-ordinate and run, you are wowed but the wow soon turns in to a painful aoowwww. The spouse is busy, more busy than usual in getting acquainted with the work place and tak...

Death is a stranger to me. I haven't really had much to do with it. But now at the age of 34 I realise that soon enough we will be seeing more of each other. In the past three years or so I have lost a younger cousin brother, a dear uncle and my grandfather- Bauji. Perhaps his is the only death that can be called timely i.e. if there is a thing like that, calling a death 'timely'. He hadn't been keeping well for years now the past couple of years being the worst. he had lost his hearing and appetite. In the last year or so I think he even lost the will to live. It was I think my nani's efforts that managed to keep his body function to the best of its abilities as much as it could. I think all of us in the family were waiting to hear the news of his death. When Shaurya passed away in a car mishap, and my father called me up about his death, I couldn't hear his name in that one sentence that my father had to repeat over and over again. I think he became exasp...

We were at a friend's house when a tiff broke between the two siblings. I offered the younger one, my daughter's friend, to hop in the car with us for a sleepover. She did that delighted to get away from the bigger sister. My friend gulped hard. She asked her over and over again if she was sure she wanted to go away for the night. She cajoled her then threatened her then tried bit bribing and lastly entreated her to change her mind. But she wouldn't be cajoled, threatened, bribed or entreated. Her mind was made up and she came with us. I don't think my friend slept a wink that night. Whereas the child played to her heart's content and fell soundly asleep having tired all her faculties nicely. And this is what brought home a fact that life looks ahead. It knows only to move in forward gear. The woman might have worried about x number if things concerning her daughter but the child wasn't about one.

After all the fairy tale drama that is ensuing in our life and honestly some of it before  (we- me and the daughter are very melodramatic people) there have been questions and often random statements by Netra that make me wonder how she must have concluded this one or that one. Like when she said very matter-of-factly  Love to bhoot hota hai (Love is a ghost) or when the husband and I are arguing heatedly, she will coolly walk up to us and depending on her current favourite, threaten the other one, Main thunder ko bolun ki aapko le jaaye? (Should I tell thundering clouds to take you away for making such ruckus). She plays with the bottles- her nanhe bachhe - for hours together and can come back with an episode that happened to her in the previous school and ask for an explanation about being bullied or left out of a game in the neighbourhood. These are the ones that I particularly find hard to answer. Human behaviour is difficult to explain, no? But then maybe she can ...