MellowDrama

हाँ मैं गलत, गलत मेरी बातें , गलती से ही दुनिया बनी  पूरा सही कोई नहीं, ले ले मेरी चेतावनी  (Yes, I make mistakes I am often on the wrong track, this world is made because of many mistakes No one is completely correct, Take my warning) This song has two interpretations in my parenting story.  One is which, I as a parent would want to tell my children that no one really knows what to do in this life. None of us really are aware of how to navigate this life. We all make mistakes and that it is okay to do that- make mistakes. This world came to be so because of these mistakes- mine, yours and ours. Then there is the line of thinking that my (or rather all the kids everywhere in the world) children would presume. The one that every child knows well in her heart till the time she becomes a parent- that their parents are wrong, mistaken and (maybe) foolish.  But I think we all agree that making mistakes is important and natural. Life is full o...

गज़ब का है दिन देखो ज़रा   ये दीवानापन सोचो ज़रा  हम भी अकेले, तुम भी अकेले  मज़ा आ रहा है , कसम से  (Look, what a fabulous day it is WE are alone We are enjoying, By God!) It was a nice balmy afternoon during the lockdown days. He looked at her with anticipation. She smiled. A kiss lingered in the air. But the next moment anguished cries rose from another corner of the house. Soon it seemed that a battle had been launched and the two of them were summoned back to the reality of being parents.  Have you ever lived out this horror story? Today's song choice made itself clearer to me just last night. It wasn't as if I haven't known this truth for the past few years since the boy made an entry but nothing could have made it as crystal clear as what happened last night. And to think of it now, what happened really wasn't all that different or revolutionary from everyday that I should have suffered this revelation jus...

Don't you think our Bollywood lyricist have been secretly dispensing top notch life secrets subtly (and at times not so subtly) via these songs? Consider today's choice: दुनिया फिरंगी स्यापा है, फ़िक्र ही गम दा पापा है  अपना तो बस यही जापा है, फ़िक्र करें फुकरे  (The world is a foreign nightmare, worry fathers sadness This is our only motto, only pretentious people worry) Or consider this gem जेबों में रख ले यारा, कंघी हैं तरकीबें Anyway, much about the greatness of Bollywood, you must have noticed that I have taken a creative license today and not started today's song with the exact alphabet but this phrase ' Fikr hi gham da papa hai' has since I heard it, stuck a chord with me. How true it is that we worry and we invite sadness! Long back I wrote a poem about the little things I worry about. And I, at least have begun to worry too much about my daughter who exhibits certain worrisome qualities. This is really an offshoot of what I wrote yesterday b...

Every breath you take and every move you make Every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you Every single day and every word you say Every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you Though the song totally sounds creepy, doesn't this really sum up our lives as mothers. Also because of the similarity in the E and I sound I chose to go with this song  instead of any other Hindi song. So back to the topic. Mothers are by default negative creatures, I feel. I look at my daughter and think of ways in which she will mess up her life because she doesn't fold her clothes exactly the way they had been folded when they were sold  to us. I see my son jumping and prancing on the sofa and nod my head in utter distress thinking about his future in which I see him as a street dancer. It takes special effort for me to dispel such negative thoughts and remind myself that they are just children doing children-y things. That she will learn to p...

बांवरा मन राह ताके तरसे रे  नैना भी मल्हार बन के बरसे रे  Would you know of any parent, who. hasn't cried because of the children? No, not for the children, not as in missing them or worrying about them or riddled-with-anxiety-about-them-crying But crying, may be not really the physical act but the act of exasperation in which you don't know what to do or in which your emotional dam has burst open and you can't wait for the spousal entity to come and take them off your hands. If you haven't ever then I would like to meet you. Please book me a return plane ticket to your address as soon as Corona permits. If you have then, I dedicate today's song to you. Young mothers and  fathers, accidental parents, experienced mums and dads, wherever you might be in your parenting journey, there are times when you are just about at the end of your rope. Yes, I am saying this loud and clear as much as we love our children, it can be one t(c)rying and tiring job .  Who ...

DJ वाले बाबू मेरा गाना चला दो  DJ वाले बाबू मेरा गाना चला  दो  DJ वाले बाबू मेरा गाना चला  दो  गाना चला दो, गाना चला दो  The boy aka Cutlet Kumar had put in an appearance in to our lives by September 2014. By the time this song came out in 2015, he had begun to sit by himself and wriggle his hips. He has forever had a ear for music but when this song came up on TV he would just go mad. In whatever way he could communicate, he would ask for the song be played and then move enthusiastically to it.  This boy I tell you, is different. You know how they say that we are all made up of stardust. I do truly believe that he is from a far superior grade of material. Do you think I might be biased? Might be. Just a little bit. Abir is extremely alive. More alive than I have ever seen people or even kids to be. I don't really know how to explain it but I can see it when he is paying attention, when he is listening closely. ...

Just now the relevance of doing a theme reveal, revealed itself to me. But such is life and so am I. Everything in retrospect. So without much ado and coming back to the present here is something of revelation about my chosen theme. I am a big Bollywood fan. Music has played a big role in my life, at times as an accompaniment to joyous moments and at others as the background score to disastrous decisions and bad moods. I can always hear it playing. If you ask my friends I have always had a song for the moment we are in. And so using that super ability, I am going to attempt 26 posts.  Lekin, picture abhi baki hai dost! Music is set but what about the script? The screenplay, if I may, is the parenting years with their ups and downs, the tears, sweat and blood I shed and hugs, kisses and laughter that I gained. ------------------------- A. आगे भी जाने न तू, पीछे भी जाने न तू  जो भी है बस यही एक पल है  I have been a mother for 12 years now. With my two children...

नानी तेरी मोरनी  को मोर ले गए बाकी जो बचा था काले चोर ले गए (O grandmother your peahen has been carried away by the peacocks and whatever was left has been taken by the thieves) You must have heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. If you are bringing up a child/ren you will know exactly what this means but if you don't have children of your own yet take my word for it. Raising a child can't be done single handedly by anyone. You need emotional and physical support, you need advice, you need a sounding board and most importantly sometime you just need someone else to take charge. Grandparents play a huge role in our Indian homes in helping raise a child. Whether it is teaching them values and morals via stories, or enforce good habits, they have extremely important roles to play. My children have been very lucky to have a set of doting grandparents on both the sides. On   the paternal side my mother-in-law is always ready with her bag of exciting st...

छोटी सी प्यारी सी नन्ही सी आयी कोई परी भोली सी न्यारी सी अच्छी सी आयी कोई परी If this isn't hint enough, I am going to talk about my daughter in this post. This child gave me the exalted status of Mummy. I will probably be more famous as Netra ki Mummy than anything else at the time. Netra, my 12 year old daughter, was born after a difficult pregnancy and that has been the easiest part so far. She is a sweet, gentle and generous child at, and I have complete strangers stopping me in mid-way or calling me up, to tell me how she has offered help seeing them in a tough spot. Sometimes she has held doors for the, sometimes helped carry their bags, soothe their child and at others just greet them, every time she sees them in the complex, in the lift or on the road. This very child can be very stubborn, adamant and exasperating preteen several times a day. As all of us, she is full of contradictions and I had a very difficult time learning how to be okay with that. It is stil...

Generally age is counted according to the number of years that you have been on this planet. But then  how do you know what your age is when the role that you are accounting for is a not as old as you? The simple answer would be to say that it would be equal to the number of years you have been in the role.  So, this is one of the most important lessons that I have learnt as a decade old mum. My daughter Netra, more commonly referred to as BhindiSood on social media, was born in 2007. Ah! your eyebrows go up. She bluffs, you think, to keep up with the theme. Dear reader but that is not the case. I might be being generous with myself when I m saying that I am a decade old mummy but I am not really bluffing. I did not (and maybe even now) know how to be a mother to a child who I was desperate to get but knew nothing about raising her for all the unaccounted years in between. But then fear not, this isn't either a self pitying sort of a post nor I intend for it ...

You must have heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a kid. Well, as a mother of two, living in a nuclear family I can very much give it the certificate of being 100 per cent correct and on point. Raising kids is so much on so many levels that nobody can single handedly do it. Be it not knowing things about children and their wants or be it about coping with your own emotions when babies, kids are the only people you seem to be seeing and speaking to all the while. As parents we need all the help we can. My elder one who is going to be 12 in just a jiffy is soon going to be appearing for her Class 6 exams. We are channeling manis (maternal grandmothers) from every corner of the world to teach her whatever they can. My mother shoulders Science and Social Studies, while my mother's younger sister is doing Maths with her over video calls on WhatsApp. And yet another one is sending her some special supplements from afar to ensure that her health does not take a backseat. ...

Raising a child might be easy for people who have either seen something similar like people with older siblings raise their offspring(s) or people who haven't sleepwalked through their lives. For me having a child for which I was responsible thoroughly has been like roller coaster ride in an adventure park. So far. (But now, with some added experience, I can vouch that nothing is going to change.)  I just got up and took a seat on the conveyor belt without knowing anything about its twists or turns; loops or or having a clue about the time frame of zero-G suspension. As much harassing as it has been for both of us- the baby and  me- I have gathered a lesson or two at every bend. I have realised that as is with the roller coaster ride so it is with the child raising phenomenon. You can't do much more once the light turns green. Yes, you can fling your arms and scream your heart out, but you can not get out of the situation, unless you count abandoning your kid. (If that be...

A lesson that has kept rearing its head time and again in my journey of motherhood, of which I am going to complete 10 years in a couple of months, is something that I refused to learn till the very recent times. It is a lesson that my mother wanted me to adopt as soon as my daughter started to talk, walk, and defy. In short, being an independent child.  Today, it is this lesson that I wish I had the sense to adopt the first time my mother said it out loud to me. But then who would I be if not a common-sense-defying rebel! Or on the other hand maybe this is what makes motherhood such an adventure ride- the ability to gain sense and discover things which only experience can shower upon you.  The lesson that I am talking about has been worded by so many smart and intelligent people over the ages, that I can fill up pages with their quotes, but I am going to give you two of my favourites that spell it out the best for me. "Don't worry that the children never listen ...

My daughter goes to learn Kathak. I wasn't very enthusiastic about the classes at the beginning. No, don't get me wrong. I am all for arts. I love dance and music myself and I always have wanted that my children should learn to do something amazing with their bodies and I think dance makes for a great starting point. Neither am I one of the few who would scoff at the cultural heritage of the country or someone who preferred the western ways more. I am a mother of two, aged 9 and 2 and when she announced she wanted to learn kathak, I just did not have it in me to take her for a weekly class, some 5 kms away from my house. My reluctance also arose from the fact that previous such endeavours (I started her on Bharatnatyam when she was 4/5). The weekly class had become a thorn in my side. She would not want to go to that class which was happening almost next door. She would cry and cry till the time I threw my hands in despair and gave up. It must have been some 8 classes spre...

Amusing it is how a father is often concerned with how the child will make the ends meet while the mother has sleepless nights pondering whether the child will forever able to meet her eye in the mirror. There must be stories of role reversal. I wish I had the resources to say to my children, "Go on. Live. Don't follow the masses. See the world. Witness the miracles that exist in a day." Wo kaun se log hote hain who know what they want to make of their life. How do they know it? Where do they get the strength to do what the heart wishes for?

One of the most complicated and least understood developmental disabilities,  autism , is a result of a neurological disorder that interferes with the development of a child’s social interaction and communication skills. It may begin at birth and its symptoms might become noticeable within the first two to two-and-a-half years of a child’s life.  Coping with an autistic child  can be physically and emotionally straining.  The parent needs come out of the varying degree of grief, disbelief and guilt they might feel on getting a diagnosis for their child and help the child discover the beauty of life. An article I wrote for women's web lists some useful hints for parents who have just received the heartbreaking news.

A neighbour has nicknamed Netra Miss Hindi. This was done because Netra insists on speaking Hindi with her friends. She is beginning to understand Bangla and can very well understand and converse in English yet she chooses Hindi to communicate. Its only when forced to use English, she prattles in the said language. Teaching English is mandatory. We do understand why that is today but we do not know who made it that way. Speaking with your kids in English to familiarise them with the language is great and all but Hindi, our own language, our mother tongue should hold a place of pride, first in our eyes and head. Hindi is sweet. Hindi is more effective in terms of giving you the exact word for any emotion, moment or feeling than any other language maybe. Hindi is vast. And while we are talking about children, Hindi is far more easier to learn than is English with its confusing phonetics. Though I admit that English wins hands down in being an adapting language that has not shied a...