Attitudes, Standards and Boundaries- A happy womens's day to you too
In my school group today morning, someone posted
Strong women do not have an attitude. They have standards and boundaries.
I wrote fab to that in my comment. And then it happened. I analysed the statement quite unintentionally because I am not the one to keep up with gender tropes.
Well, well, well ain't that food for thought! Come let us dig deep(err).
I think this must have come from a man and there is an obvious problem with the first part of the statement but we will get to it later. Hear me out first,
So, strong woman- who is this creature? A mythical being or a character from folk lore? Does she exist beyond the realms of imagination of feminists- both male and female? Let's turn the question around.
Who isn't a strong woman, rather?
You are my friend. Yes you too, gentlemen! Remember the concept of Ardhanaareshwar? The coexistence of the feminine and the masculine. The naari form before the eshwar.
Every man and woman, every human being on the planet, rises to the occasion even if it is just once in their own lifetimes. Don't you think so?
There isn't any need or scope for wars and battles in our daily lives, but there is a wide scope for having to cajole a child or a grown up refusing food and withering away, speak lovingly to a friend or an acquaintance while your own cup leaks, lead a stranger gently to a path she knows not of ( ummm... ya maybe not.) BUT what I mean to say is that life is challenging. To wake up everyday and show up is at times a huge challenge and day in and day out, men and women world over do that. They grind their teeth, muster their courage, call on their Gods and ancestors and they do what needs to be done. We are a strong species- strong men and women, strong in our intent. History isn't anything if not this.
Standards and heels women are told to keep these both high. I for one can't manage anything beyond kitten heels so I can't say I endorse the statement in full but as far as standards are concerned, yes they must be high. I am not just talking of standard of expectations or standard of doing a job or maintaining the outer appearances. Never mind, I am digressing from what I had to say on standards.
I am a fairly easy person to get along with (can hear my husband snort!) and I am very forgiving and forgetful by nature. My favourite state of existence is IGNORANCE which the highest of minds called a state of BLISS. You get me, right? What I am trying to say is that even if the world is telling us to maintain high standards, it is alright to fall from them or accept and forgive people who fall from (your eyes, like how it happened with me last week. I had a high opinion of someone and it crash landed and went up in a blaze in less than 5 minutes).
Foremost forgive yourself when you have failed to rise to the standards of
a. your parents (make this a daily practice if you have parents who are anything like mine),
b. the society, because even though man is a social animal, no one really cares and those who do will forgive and empathise and they can be counted on one finger
Moving on to the second part of the said statement- BOUNDARIES. Yes please. Boundaries translate into saying no. They translate into letting down a person, first gently and then maybe if he/she is unable to take the hint, with a proverbial blue eye (Yessssir, I learnt this the hard way too. Nothing comes easy to the ignorant). Set up boundaries for yourself.
Say no. Liberally. To the boss, child, husband, parent, your own self for a third helping of the dessert.
You don't have to immediately give an answer. in most of the situations.
You do not have to feel bad for the decision you have chosen to make,
Remind yourself to do this. Often. Here are different ways in which you can affirm the negative.
Now let's get to some knuckle cracking. Attitude is everything so I think this Hallmark line must have been penned by a man, so not in touch with himself, what to talk of his 'her' bits. All the gurus and babas and even The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari will tell you that. Oprah would second it and so would Amit Shah as well as Mamta Didi( have you seen BJP's resurgence? You think that happened without an attitude and this woman in Hawai Chappal...boss!
If you are still reading then please congratulate yourself for being a person of distinguished tastes. As you digest this and prepare your argument for or against, I shall put the water for tea to boil and take my attitude to the kitchen where we all belong when we are hungry or thirsty and these two things hardly ever discriminate on the basis of gender.
Don't fear my standards and do leave a comment for me to amuse myself with and fire another post!
Till next time
A
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