A Decade of Motherhood: :Lesson 2
Raising a child might be easy for people who have either seen something similar like people with older siblings raise their offspring(s) or people who haven't sleepwalked through their lives. For me having a child for which I was responsible thoroughly has been like roller coaster ride in an adventure park. So far. (But now, with some added experience, I can vouch that nothing is going to change.) I just got up and took a seat on the conveyor belt without knowing anything about its twists or turns; loops or or having a clue about the time frame of zero-G suspension.
As much harassing as it has been for both of us- the baby and me- I have gathered a lesson or two at every bend.
I have realised that as is with the roller coaster ride so it is with the child raising phenomenon. You can't do much more once the light turns green. Yes, you can fling your arms and scream your heart out, but you can not get out of the situation, unless you count abandoning your kid. (If that be the case then you can stop reading right about...here.)
I have also realised the one thing that you can do to make life easier for all the parties involved in the phenomenon- Give IN.
Yes give in to the child. Parenting, I have realised, is not about power struggle. It isn't about thinking if I let my child do this once she will order me around or that she will learn to be self indulgent or whatever else you might think spoiling a kid looks or sounds like.
In any case they are going to have their way. It might take them some time but they get there. How many expressions are dedicated to it, I ask you, like wrapped around her little finger, can make daddy/ mummy dance to his tunes, knows how to get her way, so on and so forth.
Hence, you might as well give in gracefully when asked the first time, ok maybe the second time around. Why wait for the tip of the sword to kiss your throat, I say. In other words tantrums are a real thing in a real world and you can not teach or discipline a child when she is throwing a fit because the message will not penetrate.
In the ten years of motherhood I have realised (albeit later than I would like to admit) that giving in to the child's needs, wishes or demands does not in any way underestimates our own authority over anything. Giving in to our kids just makes our tasks easier or lights up the way better.
Once you have done what they ask of you, they will be easier to handle, coerce or maybe manipulate. There, I have said the M word out loud. Before I fall in your esteemed opinion, pray tell me, if teaching them to count numbers with a handful of sweets, promised to them at the end of the task isn't but manipulation?
I have come to equate giving in to helping them learn about choices. My daughter invariably turns up her nose to the clothes I have picked for her to wear while going out. As an ignorant mum I would struggle with her and get into an argument that would actually be saying "You, young lady, have to do as you are told". Now I only tell her if the dress she has taken out will make her uncomfortable in the long run or is something in which she might feel cold if we go into a cinema hall.
There is no heartburn this way. Often we go with her choices with a little adjustment here and there. (I have also realised that she is smart enough to carry a shrug or a jacket along if we are headed for the mall, without me having to say so)
So, I say to you give in to the child who asks for an ice cream serving at the breakfast table there will be no whining, give in to the child who wants you to read another story before they fall into sleep in your lap; a sound sleep is guaranteed and give in to the child who wants to run around the park chasing butterflies in their white overalls.
As is the norm, even I forget all about on days and that is when I have seen my children giving in to a whiny mummy.
As much harassing as it has been for both of us- the baby and me- I have gathered a lesson or two at every bend.
I have realised that as is with the roller coaster ride so it is with the child raising phenomenon. You can't do much more once the light turns green. Yes, you can fling your arms and scream your heart out, but you can not get out of the situation, unless you count abandoning your kid. (If that be the case then you can stop reading right about...here.)
I have also realised the one thing that you can do to make life easier for all the parties involved in the phenomenon- Give IN.
Yes give in to the child. Parenting, I have realised, is not about power struggle. It isn't about thinking if I let my child do this once she will order me around or that she will learn to be self indulgent or whatever else you might think spoiling a kid looks or sounds like.
In any case they are going to have their way. It might take them some time but they get there. How many expressions are dedicated to it, I ask you, like wrapped around her little finger, can make daddy/ mummy dance to his tunes, knows how to get her way, so on and so forth.
Hence, you might as well give in gracefully when asked the first time, ok maybe the second time around. Why wait for the tip of the sword to kiss your throat, I say. In other words tantrums are a real thing in a real world and you can not teach or discipline a child when she is throwing a fit because the message will not penetrate.
In the ten years of motherhood I have realised (albeit later than I would like to admit) that giving in to the child's needs, wishes or demands does not in any way underestimates our own authority over anything. Giving in to our kids just makes our tasks easier or lights up the way better.
Once you have done what they ask of you, they will be easier to handle, coerce or maybe manipulate. There, I have said the M word out loud. Before I fall in your esteemed opinion, pray tell me, if teaching them to count numbers with a handful of sweets, promised to them at the end of the task isn't but manipulation?
I have come to equate giving in to helping them learn about choices. My daughter invariably turns up her nose to the clothes I have picked for her to wear while going out. As an ignorant mum I would struggle with her and get into an argument that would actually be saying "You, young lady, have to do as you are told". Now I only tell her if the dress she has taken out will make her uncomfortable in the long run or is something in which she might feel cold if we go into a cinema hall.
There is no heartburn this way. Often we go with her choices with a little adjustment here and there. (I have also realised that she is smart enough to carry a shrug or a jacket along if we are headed for the mall, without me having to say so)
So, I say to you give in to the child who asks for an ice cream serving at the breakfast table there will be no whining, give in to the child who wants you to read another story before they fall into sleep in your lap; a sound sleep is guaranteed and give in to the child who wants to run around the park chasing butterflies in their white overalls.
As is the norm, even I forget all about on days and that is when I have seen my children giving in to a whiny mummy.
Comments