Movie Review: Saaho (What to expect if unfortunately enough you go to watch it or not)

This is a (hopefully uninhabited) rant nee review about a very shitty piece of cinema (that has apparently done hell of a business) called Saaho. I was circumstantially forced to watch this movie and since then I have been actively cursing the makers, actors and sellers of this movie as well as my own circumstances and lack of imagination at what I could have done /achieved differently. YOU can choose to read whichever of the subhead appeals to you the most.

MY Circumstances:
The movie I think came up into focus when a trailer was played during Bahubali 2. No prize for guessing they wanted to bank upon Prabhas' popularity as the very fine Bahubali, no? Well, i partly agreed to go see this movie for the same reason and also because I was in Varanasi and we had time in hand before our flight you know the rest, have been cursing the makers, actors and sellers of this movie as well as my own circumstances.
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LADKE in the film:
Prabhas acts throughout the movie as if he is playing a drunkard. All the charm of Bahubali is lost in approximately 5 mins of his appearance on screen and choosing Amrita something from her passport size picture in a file (played by Shraddha Kapoor) as a Forensics expert on his team of cops who want to catch a robber who has made away with millions of bucks without getting involved in the robbery. Ya, I know how vague that sounds but that is how it is. Also he keeps beating up people. One round after another.
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Neil Nitin Mukesh is the suspect because he is seen in the CCTV footage of the robbed shop wearing" matching shoes and topi" or was it shirt or jacket. So just because he is wearing stylish clothes he is zeroed on upon as suggested by the brilliant police officer that entire Mumbai police division has come to know in Prabhas. Later we find that he (Mukesh) is the cop who had been sent to crack the case but no one in the Mumbai Police Department had the time to check any papers to find out who had been sent to help them with the robbery case. After a car chase in which apparently the three people who make up the police team on this case chase the wrong guy, pata chalta hai ki chor to Prabhas hai. Waise, when the team was at the location of the bank where the next theft is expected to take place, Prabhas is sitting alone in the office which by the way is no less than a co-working space in some posh cafe. Anyhoo Prabhas ka naqaab ab hut chuka hai and we know he is the mind behind the brilliant theft of millions from the jewelry store and has managed to steal the other item from the bank also.
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5 minute ke liye Jaggu dada bhi hain and total 5 minutes Tinnu Anand bhi dikhenge also lending his voice to the back story.
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BABES:
Lo, ab baat karein females in the movie ki. There's Kapoor and there's Mandira Bedi. But before I get on with them I just want to know from whoever can tell me, do these people, I mean actors, ever read or visualise the movie before signing it? Looking at the role that Shraddha plays, the answer seems like a no. Piyasree Dasgupta of Huffpost India wrote a brilliant article about how she could have been simply replaced by a pillow in the movie and I agree. No forensics at play apart from in 1 single scene which basically establishes that Kapoor always messes up things and the hero is falling in louu with her flyaway hair and can't fathom why such a pretty girl chose to be a police officer. Mandira on the other hand, wears lovely sarees, uses inhaler often and delivers one dhaansoo (and only one I remember) dialogue : Mard kare to mastermind aur aurat kare to dhokha.
So you must have gathered Bedi is the vamp which btw was never obvious.
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LOCATION ka locha:

There are 3 places where the story is supposedly taking place: Mumbai, Vaaz and Kinari. You will not really understand what is happening where. But to be fair the last scene happens at Kinari the village that the real villain burnt down years ago. 

YE bhi bata doon:

Songs are weirdly worded, picturisation is unimaginative and in fact the only nice frames have also come under allegations for plagiarism.A fight scene with both Shraddha and Prabhas looks eerily similar to the Bahubali 2 where the hero and heroine had fought together to combat the attack on the heroine's rajya.
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To be not continued

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