MellowDrama

I often get a feeling that i am the worst mum. the word ma is generally associated with qualities which somehow read patience, wisdom, calm, so on and so forth. i dnt think i have any one of these. there are many more in my head which i knw are nt my strengths but when i look at the mother bit in me, these three are the prominent ones i find missing in myself. chunnu has become a motormouth and so naughty. largely all that she dooes brings on a smile. but there are days, hours and minutes, very often some looong seconds as well when her incessant chatr-patar nudges me to launch into tirades. things that i knw make no sense to her but often bring on a hurtful expression on her face. then i berate myself for being such a looser. for shouting at her. for running out of patience. for not knowing or not conjuring up a better way to deal with her. for not being calmer, warmer and wiser.for being the worst possible mother. for not loving her enough (maybe!)

I am not educated in music but know my sargam and the 7 'sur'. I also love Hindi filmy songs. There is not one emotion that they do not express. We have songs celebrating love, happiness, parting, sadness, birth, death, marroages, mother-in-laws, hardwork, nature, nanha-munnas and what not. I have been brought up on a healthy dose of filmy songs from the 50s, 60s and 70s. Being a child of the 80s and 90s, I had time and leisure in life to pop in an audio cassette into the player and loose myself to the melody. I don't know how, when or from where did I get the silly notion that with age one has to restrict his/ her choice of songs. Somewhat meaning that as I age I had to restrict myself from right away jiving on a groovy number. This horrid notion thankfully was broken by a woman I met in Pune many years ago. I was sent to her to learn baking but more importantly I learnt that we are supposed to live as we wish and dance or sing at the top of our voices to whichever song we

i am not in love with you neither are you, i am told we are just bored and hence the attraction but then i dnt knw why i look at my phone a thousand times to see if you have dropped a message a call that i might have missed despite keeping it by my side all the while at nights i lie awake thinking what could have that meant that which you said while i was being a little inattentive i prod myself to discover meanings, in unsaid words i wait for you at places where there isn't a chance for you to show up you surprise me, i laugh the ring of which i like a lot you make me nervous, i check my reflection in the mirror and i smile i fall short of words in your presence a sigh is all that can escape from my heavy heart poor thing knows that we are just bored of our own lives and hence the attraction

An SMS in the morning tells me this week is being celebrated as Daughter Week. First of all the sweet message: Daughters are the most precious of our treasures, the dearest possessions of our homes and the objects of our most watchful love. Being a daughter did not really do a lot for my understanding as having one did. If Gods would not have had their way, I would have been blessed with two and would have been much better off. Having a daughter is a grace. They fill your days with their warmth. They snuggle up to you even when you are not at your cuddly best and even the most loving husbands would not want to hug you. Just open your arms to the daughter and she will tumble in to them, if you are lucky enough you might even get a few wet and sloppy kisses. My daughter, when she is flooded with love for me, creeps from behind and puts her arms around my neck or my legs whatever is easily accessible to her and there is no other thing in the world to compare it with. Being a daugh

I was yesterday informed via an e-mail that tomorrow is the world house sparrow day. I was instantly reminded about the chirp chirp- a common melody of my childhood. I was also reminded of the fact that the chirp chirp has almost gone missing from the background of our days. Besides on twitter, I haven’t even sighted the small little bird in ages. Then one incident of a few months back came to my mind. I am still trying to recollect but can’t figure out where was it that I saw the bird, but I do remember that the little bird had had a bath and was shaking off excess water. It was actually a picture perfect moment and somewhere else it would have made to nat geo or maybe animal planet. We all know that the microwave pollution from mobile phone towers has been a reason behind the disappearance of the Gauraiya but not many know that glass and concrete buildings that have been coming up in the name of modernization have taken away from the bird its habitat. World House Sparrow Day also cel

I have piled on more kgs then I should have and to get rid of them is beginning to get a daunting task. Oh well it hasn't begun at all. I know that I should start and step up my exercise regime but I dnt seem to get started. Everyday and I mean everyday I intend my self to get up in the morning and start something- skipping rope, going for a walk, play bedminton but I fail. Hopelessly. My knees have begun to hurt. My chest gets knotty when I have walked a few steps fast. Breathing becomes laboured. I have no stamina left. Have totally let go of self-restraint and control (freedom can be dangerous). I miss my mother's constant nagging about my weight. At least that kept me on my toes. I read every article on weight-loss and even put many tips to use. Today, sadly, I have no one to blame for my big paunch and a heavy bum but my habit of munching. In recent past I have thrown caution to wind when it comes to fatty, fried or sweet. In an attempt to counter my calorie intake I had t

no new posts in the new year. so decided that i will write something. completed 28 years on planet earth and hope for some more. all that i have seen and heard has been pretty good. everyday some or the other thing makes me realise how blessed my life is and that i am lucky, very very lucky indeed. life is getting tougher by the day and the way my parents have prepared me, the upbringing they have given me goes a substantial way in dealing with the challanges that i face. on the work front i would rate my performance satisfactory. there are still many things that i wish i had been able to adopt or learn and ingrain in to myself. the most important being discipline. my mother has always been teeling me to make timetables and follow them. and i had till very late not seen trhe point in time-tables and following them. being an aquarian, anything that happens to hint at binding me, scares me. and so so the timetables. but now i know that it is easier and in my own best interest to draw a

as i sit here picking up greeting card ideas to be sent to the aam-junta with love from the administration i wonder what happened to the family routine of sending greeting cards on diwali, or on new year. when we were young it was a ritual that was very important as it gave us a vent for trying our cursives in the newest ways. papa would get us samples to choose from. we would debate about the last theme we had selected them on. some were chosen for the wordings that they carried, some for an appealing picture and some for a cause. there were friends to be remembered and relatives too. a boss here and an aquaintence there. they all needed to be sent the season's greetings and their new year to be heralded in that awesome manner that the card conveyed. we even kept a huge brown plastic bag to keep our favourite cards. some were birthday greetings, some were given by sentimental friends, some we made at home to wish ma-pa anniversary, some we traded with cousins. the bag would come i

saw this 8-9 month old kid at the hospital where we had been taking chunna for nebulizing her with anti-allergic stuff. the kids' hospital, probably the only one of its kind in Chd, is horribly expensive, but thats another story. this one is about the funny faces the baby was pulling. the poor kid must have been suffering from the regular cough and cold- the bane of the season and his parents had brought her for her medicine. the poor kid lurched at the hose that brought in the medicine frm the atomiser in an attempt to take a bite off it. she seemed quite hungry. may be her food had been rationed. when her mother took the pipe away from her, she began to first make small whimpering noises and then suddenly shifted a gear or two up and started howling. she contorted her face to depict her anguish and let out a long long wail again. chunna felt it her responsibility to teach the kid to suck in the medicated air and tell her time and again 'no cry baby no cry'.the benefit of

Statement: why do you argue so much? A: I don’t Honest Answer: Because all you say doesn’t make sense to me and I don’t give you all that credit to just take your word. Statement: You are always so stubborn. You just don’t listen A: No I am not. HA: I also wonder about it sometimes but it seems to be a manufacturing defect about which it seems I can’t do anything Statement: You don’t pay enough attention when you are being told something A: Because if I pay attention, then my brain will start suggesting counter points and then I will start to argue and then you will say that I don’t listen but just argue, so it is better that I don’t listen at all HA: That is an honest answer Statement: Things you say or do are beyond my comprehension A: that is because half of the time you haven’t listened to what I was saying and so you don’t have ample facts to ruminate upon and then comprehend. The rest of the time you are concerned about the right way ie your way to accomplish a task HA: Again

i am beginning to forget how to write. or to be precise how to blog. when i remember my sulekha blogs i woner what was it that i used to write about. where did i think of all the topics. i am reminded of a blog entry that i wrote after seeing an old old man licking an orange lolly in the delhi heat and thoroughly enjoying it. today when i have time and when i want to write about something topics elude me.i look at the blogs around me. some are flourishing, gathering comments, becoming discussion leaders, trend setters of sorts. i dont want ot be all that but i want to infuse some life into my blog. is this an indication of the fact that i dont think. i no longer think? no i would nt say that. i think that i think but i think very deep down inside. so much so that now even i dnt hear myself thinking. my voice is drowned in the drone of my complaints. complaints about not having this and that. not getting this and that. not having enough time. not having the life that i wanted.

someone had posted a status message on facebook which read 'in the novel called marriage the hero dies in the first chapter' or something like this. this bugged me no end. why are men so convinced that they are the martyrs in the holy matrimony. they do not have to do dihes, cook, wash clothes, take responsibility for putting things in order and their designated places, do the beds, clean and dust the house, have a word with the maids an other help and raise the kids. All they ever do is tell you the doer how to do the stuff. even if they do something around the house, it is not for the family but a favour to you. they spend most of their time out of doors and yet when they walk in you are supposed to drop everything that you are doing and rush to their side an dfan them. ask them how their day was, dnt bother with yours- you must have been busy with the routine. cuddle the baby for exactly 5 minutes after which the poor thing will get irritated with all the coochie-cooing and

Watched Wanted on DVD this weekend. Produced by Boney Kapoor, directed by PrabhuDeva and starring Salman Khan and just that. anyone else on the screen did not matter. they were just there to get beaten to pulp, get their head banged on railing/poles/walls/tables/anything in sight. it is an out and out an action flick. The movie is a remake of a Telugu film Pokir, which was also made in Tamil and was directed by Prabhu Deva. The movie is a treat for salman khan fans for the obvious reasons that this gets him doing what he is best at i.e. action and dance but this review is about the fact that wanted is such a treat for those who can tolerate some blood and nasty action (goons being thrown off the train)because of the screenplay, quick dialogues and the exact amount of attitude that Salman Khan as Radhe- an undercover cop- needs to show off. he also plays deadpan lover delivering clever lines penned by Shiraz Ahmed. it has the feel of those 90's movies that made you want to stand up