Monday, June 25, 2012

Looking for some sunshine

It is a strange thing that I am slowly turning into a pessimist. I have been the one whom you could always trust to find you the positive thing in any situation. After being in Kolkata for more than six months, I can barely see any sense in the plunge that I took. I have nobody to blame. Unfortunately. I wish someone had forced me to do this but no luck here, not even the circumstances were such that I should have given up my life and come here. In my dreams I often find myself at various nooks and corners, simply standing, or crossing a road, taking a bus from PGI, or getting down at the Sector 22 bus stop, shielding my eyes from the sun as I hunt for some office in the over-crowded Sector 34 or is it 35, and then again sit down near the fountain at the Plaza for basking in life's glory. After leaving home for hostel I would dream of Palampur but I, as a kid, have not roamed about much in the various neighbourhoods. I still see Palampur in my dreams when the Dhauladhars utter my name and valley's greens call out to me, but that is very different from how Chandigarh calls out to me. Maybe Chandigarh does not really call me, maybe those array of dreams are just reminders of the fact that I had built a marvellous life with my own two hands. Maybe it is a sign that I should do the same here as well. I am reminded of this couplet here- 'Anjaam uske haath hai, aaghaaz karke dekh; Bheege huye paron se hi sahi, parvaaz kar ke dekh' Ahh! here i go again, hunting for the plus.

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