Friday, December 29, 2006


happiness he said was not subjective. I did not really understand and then he said,"Its like being in love. You just know when you are in love. You need not be told or reminded about it. You can just feel it. You just know it." anybody who has ever fallen in love would understand it or like me, anybody has been loved deeply can understand it. being loved is more basic need. thats the way we humans are. selfish.

i dnt knw why all the time i was with him i kept smiling from ear to ear. nitin bhaiya's aura must have something to do with it. hie voice, his presence, the way he would stop in between while talking about his Guru ji as if to sample the moment once again before letting it go...everything that he spoke about, the sheer intelligence of the conversation appealed to me. i could give that basic course a shot.

all that i did not understand which no one has yet been able to explain to me is the mann and where is it situated, when does it come into action, when do you listen to it and when do you ignore it. i am still looking for answers here.

i also realised that i am still looking for my Guru,he who will provide me answers, show me the way ahead, fulfill my quest of the unanswered, unresolved doubts.


The importance of getting a decent education had dawned on me not very early in life. I should not be saying this because I do not consider myself any different or special or blessed in a special way from the rest of the human species. That one notion broke long time back when someone explained the concept of deja vu to me, else I would have gone on to believe in my special powers. Well too many Naagraj and Pahntom contributed to the notion.

Getting back to education, ah, I realised the importance of being educated when I stepped out of my hometown into the big world of larger cities; where there were people whom I did not know. The only thing that I ever knew since I embarked upon mission 'live life' was that I wanted to be heard. I wanted my opinion to be known. I realised that nobody would hear me if I did not learn the language of the big world. The journey was of course eventful. I educated myself. I taught myself to speak smart and work smart (or so I thought until I embarked upon Quest).

I have often read educated people, especially women, see education as liberator. I differ slightly I not only see education as a liberator but also I see it as the only tool of expression. Tell me what good is an MF Husain or Skakespeare if you can't understand their language. Education, as I see it, is not about books. They are important, honestly.

But what is more important is the fact that you choose the field you would like to study. For my maid, whom I was trying to teach to write her name in Devnagri script, it was important for opening a bank account so that she could safeguard her money. To me it is important so that I can detach myself and loosen up. Education is important and there should not be any debate about it. Going to schools and colleges is important or rather more important is paying attention to what thy teacher is talking about.

Friday, December 22, 2006

old mails

they bring you immense pleasure. fond memories. i always keep store all the mails that my sister posts me. they are the ones that freshen up my days. they are full of her life that I miss so much of. they are generally about her college, cultural fests, crushes, clothes and even our parents. there is a bunch that is full of advice on how to handle my four-burner gas efficiently to dealing with my married status.

there are some other mails from my double maa. Gogu maamaa's mails are puns in prose. my fav is the one that he sent me couple of days before i was to get my first salary ever. he wrote
Hope this finds you as thick( FAT) as you were when you last fell on me and broke my crown and you came tumbling after. Tomorrow is the greatest day in your life when you will receive your first pay RACKET. “ Maan ; teri beti ki mehnat ki pehli kamai .”Anyway the idea is to give you a fair idea as to what to do with with the the HOT MILLIONS you will now on be making month after month. Beta- hum kam kyoo karte hain? Obviously khane ke liye. And Beta Hum kamate kyoon hain? You right once again –Khane ke liye. So Beta tum KHUD hi samajhdar ho. Apna poora khayal rakhana. Sara dhayan khane per hi concentrate karma.And moreover now that you are earning you need not ask anybody what not to eat.So be what you want to be sipping on Baccardi Rum. Dekho beta sharir hai to sab kuch hai yadi yeh FIGURA hi nahi mto kuch bhi nahi .Age tum khud hi samajhdar ho. Vaise “dents” urf CHIBS is also running on your fingerprints. Best of luck and happy eating.With loads of FAT and of course love and mandatory blessings Your one and only Max2 (mama) PS: Mee& bauji don’t remember you at all.Many spelling mistakes are intended. (mama mama kallu mama)

there are others, some from friends who fell in love with other women at the work palce and some who fell for me. those are the ones that make me feel thankful for the life that I had been given, my friends, the acquaintences and the fellow humans that i have encountered here and there.

the list

I am absolutely impressed with myself these days. And it just not ends with my culinary skills, that rather is the starting point. Ok so what all else is there on my list of being impressed about
a. I love the way my quarter has turned into home
b. I have got Sachin into the habit of not hanging clothes behind doors..well almost
c. Have got him to put his shoes back in the cupboard and socks in the wash basket
d. I own a Hidesign bag worth big bucks without having pestered him
e. The haircut- I finally chopped off the tresses on which I had spent bottles of hair oil, shampoo and conditioner
f. I have also thrown away all the white, ancient kurtas- courtsey my sis. To begin with I was not keen on throwing away old stuff. My reason- nostalgia. My sister's- a previous birth link with some kabadi
g. I can listen to all the cribbing around me with a little extra dose of patience

I wanted to take the list till J but to begin with itna hi kaafi hai. Now about things on my to-do list
a. mail tikoo the snaps
b. pot some more plants
c. adapt to olive oil
d. get into the habit of exercising full authority over any subject
e. learn the fine art of bragging
f. finish a couple of books
so on and so forth

Thursday, December 07, 2006


mere sapnon main aa ke apna mujhko bana ke mujh pe tu kar ehsaan ...but if you want a favour only then why not ask her to walk into your life rather than just dreams.....

today i realised that all my cribbing about how bad my univ days were was part of a crib fest and nothing more. the realisation came just like that..while we were having lunch

awwwwwwwwmummmmmmmyyyyyy i wanna go home...i waannaa go home..i wanna learn to drive......i wanna have babies...wanna loose weight overnight.......wanna pen a book.....wanna buy a diamond necklace for mommy

Saturday, November 25, 2006


I would be lying if I said I had been sceptical of going back to the department. I never wanted to go there. But I went. Why? I really don't know. May be I was simply greedy to know whether my teachers remembered and recognised me or not, but I cant be sure of this reason.
Anyway I decided in the favour of going. The signs were good. The weather cleared and it became sunny. By the time I reached there classes were over and I got to meet the teachers. They recognised me but that was not what I felt a gush of relief about. Rather the new building was what I felt proud of. I also realised that anyone who dissociates himself/ herself from the dept for any reason at all is purely lying or seeks attention, which they never got while they were there.


Bui is strange. She cribs a lot. May be that is why she has not had a lot of success with Buaiji. Seeing them I realise the importance of owning a home. In the dusk of their lives and not a place to call their own..hmmm.... I would want to go back to Palampur and stay there but well I would want my own home. I know the construction work is very demanding but I would want sensibly put up rooms and ah!! to have the finances/ resources to do it up in my own way.....the vision is beautiful.
I have had this dream since I was a kid, a home that has beautiful beadspreads and rugs all around it. A home that is sprinkled with photos in wooden frames, wooden furniture and quilts and books and magazines.
How can any dream be complete without my beloved books. I have begin reading once again. This time authors that I haven't ever read or have appreciated from the wayside. Have picked up Mrinal Pande to begin with. Daughter's Daughter smells of mama's childhood. I want her to read it.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


It all had begun with a telecon. I was asked to suggest ways with which to make female readers feel more connected to a certain daily paper. No one ever told me what happened about my esteemed views but I got a call to attend an all women's journo's conclave in Bhopal.
As a rule I detest all kinds of congregations and gatherings, where I am on unfamiliar grounds or among half-baked acquaintences- that too women. But as anyone might guess that I would not have been writing this piece had I been able to get myself out of the situation.
On a not-so-hot afternoon, thanks to my travelling companions, we managed to miss teh bus that was to take us to Delhi. Anyhow we loaded the luggage and selces on to a taxi and headed out of the city. Though we reached the railway station an hour before the train's scheduled time yet boarded the wrong compartment owing to the fact that the woman who guided us to our seats was looking at the return ticket rather than the current.
And then, when after a lot of running around we managed to reach our seats we were told by a kind stranger that the train had no pantry car and hence no food till we reached Bhopal.
If you have to undertake travel in any part of India, you are told a hundred times not to talk top a stranger and even a greater numebr of times to not to take anything to eat from a staranger. Un/fortunately ew did nhot have much choice and had to share the kind gentleman's biryani.
So much so for the yatra, but one look at the hotel where I was to stay made me forget all woes. A breathtakingly beautiful lake welcomed us as the sun rose from the horizon. An early fisherman was spreading his net on the waters as his son looked over with sleepy eyes.
I wondered like a sleepy cloud.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I have come across so many people wanting to create an identity that it has suddenly made me wonder why haven't I ever pined for one or are they suffering from an identity crisis.
I consider my name as the part of identity, the face with which the people recognise me- part of my identity, my work a larger part of my id. I assume that all the other people also have been blessed with similar stuff then why are they clamouring to carve identities. Am I being presumptuous?

Saturday, October 28, 2006


I was shocked when my sister made me realise that I had married young. I was 23 when I got engaged and now at 25 I am a year-and-a-half into the institution of marriage. Though I don't have much to complain about, there is stuff that I wish I had done before getting married. Learning to take care of my transportation needs and saving myself from the IT department are the most important things under this list.
Though my husband is a gentleman, and that does not man he does not growl and shout, he makes sure that I am reminded of the favours everyday and as a favour-in-return I have to cook......urrrrrgggghhhhhhhh...I hate going inside a kitchen even to get a glass of water.
Though a few months back I had started to believe that I had come around to all thsi cooking stuff when somebody from the in-laws' side praised a dish thrown together in a jiffy. That was the only time when I had logged on to the net to find out a new recipe fro paneer lababdar. But the fact that kasoori methi did not feature in my list of hot favourites on my kitchen shelf, so that was that