Friday, December 27, 2013

On re-connecting with old pals

Day before yesterday I connected with a school-time pal after good 16 years. I did not recognise his voice and to be very honest was quite suspicious till the end if it was the same guy as he said he was. But later on I kept thinking about this particular event.

There was initially an awkwardness to talk to someone whom you have not seen of or heard from for a decade and a half but it vanished as the familiar began to make its way in to the conversation.

The people who have seen us rather known as kids probably are the only people who are familiar with the essence of us, with the core from where we originate. They are probably the only people in the world who know us for who we really are. As children we are at our best. We have not been contaminated yet. We have not been touched and affected all that is good or bad with/ in the world. We are still learning the ways of the world. We might be learning the ropes but haven't perfected our stances while we are kids. These people who grow up with us, they know us in that pure form.

Maybe the adults who see us grow are better at this observational bit but I don't think they had/ have much time to shower attention on the small little everyday kind of things.

As much tight fisted I am with calling people friends, this guy was once considered a friend. When we began to talk after that momentary hitch, it seemed as if a freshly laundered load was tumbling out of a washing machine. There was so much catching up to do. So much to ask and somewhat to tell and still more to laugh about.

Unfortunately, as we grow life and the busyness often comes in the way of friendships. We change, enthusiasm ebbs, promises are broken, people disappear often never to appear again and the suspicion takes place of the familiar.

Ye kya ho raha hai

Bura jo dekhan main chala, Bura na milya koi
Jo  mann khojaa aapnaa, mujh se buraa na hoye

Every few days I get a glimpse of how bad, shallow and scrooge-y fellow I am.
And this without venturing out to see the Bura.
Imperfections and all are okay but mine go beyond the permissible limit. Take my social skills for that matter. they are so negligent that I have been told recently on the face that I am lowliest of the low in this matter of great importance. Maybe, just maybe, that comment was the force behind this particular post. Hurrmmmphh!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Why I was not scared of marriage

I wasn't scared of marriage.

I did not think about it could be one reason. And I did not know what all was part of the package could be another reason. But on examining it closer and having read a bit in the past few years, I realised I wasn't scared of marriage because I was not prepared, as a sacrificial goat often is, prepared for marriage.

I think it largely begins and belongs with my mother as it begins, belongs and stays with other mothers. I think I wasn't scared of marriage and what all it will do to curb me as a person because I wasn't trained to be someone else after marriage.

I was, since the childhood, put on a certain mental fodder that I took for granted would not change after the marriage. I am an avid reader and I was never fed the thought that I will be barred from reading when I got married. So why would marriage scare me?

Brought up in such an atmosphere where I was taught by example how responsibilities of the household are meant to be shared and they are not burdens under which one person would stifle and other gained girth, so why would marriage scare me?

I was never asked to do/ learn things, even on the insistence of neighbourhood aunties, because a married girl should know them or why would marriage scare me?

I was implored often to get off my butt and get moving but that was not for the sole purpose of being eye candy for the husband-to-be so why would marriage scare me?

You see I was never asked to be interesting to ensure the husband's interest in me so why would marriage scare me?

There were other things though like being taught the importance of being financially independent, well-read, thoughtful, sincere, respectful and those I imbibed to a great extent and so even after being married for seven years and seeing some of the realities differ, I am not scared of marriage.

(This appeared first as an entry at Women's Web blog where wohooooo 95 people liked it!)