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Coming in the front line

Death is a stranger to me. I haven't really had much to do with it. But now at the age of 34 I realise that soon enough we will be seeing more of each other. In the past three years or so I have lost a younger cousin brother, a dear uncle and my grandfather- Bauji. Perhaps his is the only death that can be called timely i.e. if there is a thing like that, calling a death 'timely'.

He hadn't been keeping well for years now the past couple of years being the worst. he had lost his hearing and appetite. In the last year or so I think he even lost the will to live. It was I think my nani's efforts that managed to keep his body function to the best of its abilities as much as it could.

I think all of us in the family were waiting to hear the news of his death. When Shaurya passed away in a car mishap, and my father called me up about his death, I couldn't hear his name in that one sentence that my father had to repeat over and over again. I think he became exasperated with my lack of attention and with yet one of the most difficult jobs assigned to him- announcing the death of this kid who was hardly out of his teens.

My mother one day said to me,"I have realised that with age as people ahead of you start to fall down you come to be in the front line. Gradually no one is left who will save you from heart break or hardships or bad news."

My family is slowly becoming more and more dysfunctional since these incidents, episodes. What do we even call these- tragedies? I am getting a sinking feeling. Nothing ever is going to work out for us. We will probably all turn into loonies and the world will laugh at us. We will not know any happiness. No more boisterous gatherings for us.

Comments

Paul S said…
I share the same feelings and fears. One day I'll be alone, an orphan, and the thought haunts me.

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